Red Cross

Hello Everyone. In the wake of the devestating Hurricane Katrina I would like to encourage everyone to please donate to the Red Cross for the victims in LA, MS and AL. The footage that has been shown today is beyond comprehension. It's very easy to donate to via www.redcross.org. There is a $5 minimum. I donated this way for 9/11 and again, it's very easy. If anyone has friends or realatives along the coast, we pray for their safety and well being.

Decisions, Decisions.....

Tonight is our meeting with an adoption agency here in RI. This one is small and not as well known as the one we met with last week. We decided to meet with only two agencies and decide from them because we wanted to make the decision process a little easier. These two were both highly recommended so that's a good start. I have also talked with mothers who have recently adopted from Guatemala (one from each agency). The mother who used the larger, more well known agency had rave reviews and got her baby at 7 months. The other mother who used the smaller agency is actually about to go down to Guatemala this week to get her son who is 6 years old. She started the process when he was 4 years old! Talking to her made me feel very frustrated even though her situation was not typical. I do understand that this process is going to be filled with ups and downs and not always go according to plan. I do understand that - having been through 3+ years of infertiltiy and having 38 months of ups and downs I feel I am fully prepared to deal with the process of international adoption. I guess I'm just a little discouraged right now. But hopefully tonight when we meet with the smaller agency I will feel a little better. I just hope we are able to decide which agency to go with soon! I'm ready to get the roller coaster cranking up that hill.
The movie Parenthood has a great scene where the grandmother tells steve martin and his wife about the roller coaster of life compared to the merry-go-round of life and how she prefers the roller coaster. I prefer the roller coaster also and I think during this time of my life (infertility & adoption) I will be on the roller coaster called the Corkscrew! Wheeeeeee!

Won't the baby miss their real mother?

This was the question asked by my six (going on 16) year old niece yesterday when I was explaining to her that J and I were adopting a baby and what adoption meant. I also told her the news last week as well and I figured that each time I see her we will have a little conversation about adoption so that she is prepared and understands when the time comes to bring the baby home. I thought this would be a good idea until she asked me the question. What a simple question yet complicated to answer. I did the best I could by telling her that of course the baby will miss their mommy but that I will be the baby's new mommy because the birth mommy was unable to care for the baby. I really felt awkward answering this question to a six year old but I figured I answered it somwhat ok. I decided that we would not discuss it everytime we saw each other but that I was definatley going to prepare myself to answer such honest questions. I realized that just as I am trying to educate her I am educating myself.
Then she proclaims that if it's a boy she thinks we should call him Kozmo! This could only come from a six year old. I told her that Kozmo can be her nickname for him if we do get a boy.

Back to my blog

Well it really has been a long, long time since I last posted. I really had a lot to deal with back then and have gone through a lot to get to a good place right now. Since last year I have attened the Mind/Body retreat, gone through a second round of IVF, which failed AGAIN, and had surgery to remove a polyp on my uterus. And then two weeks ago on the day of my period starting again for the 38th time I had an epiphany - I was ready to adopt!!! When I had the realization I could not believe how clear everything seemed and I could not wait to get home that night and share it with J. He was just as ready but of course he still walked around the house in a daze for three days because that's what he does when we make big decisions. (you should have seen him after we bought our house!) Any how - I actually feel like on that day I peed on a stick and got a positive result. Of course I will always morn the loss of never having a child with my dimples and J's 'light-up-the-room' smile however raising a child (no matter where they come from) is the most important thing. For us to be parents and provide a loving, nurturing home is what we are meant to do. I can't even describe how truly happy I am about this decision. And I promise to continue this blog as J and I go through the adoption process. And we have chosen Guatemala as the country to adopt from.