Big Changes for 2006

Well I finally did it! I quit my job as manager of the maternity boutique. After 3 and a half LONG years of working with hormonal, pregnant women I finally decided it was time to move on. Why I did not do this years ago is the big question everyone wants to know. I have a few answers and the main one is that my sister is the owner and therefore my boss. We began the journey together and I always thought it was worth the heartache to make the business successful. After a while I just became kind of numb to the whole thing and after we decided to adopt my emotional state did get better. However, if anyone has ever worked with family then you will know it's not the best situation to be in. My sister would take any and everything out on me. As my mom would say when I asked why does she do this, "It's because you are her sister". I guess being related gives license to treat those relatives like shit. Who knew!?

I admit growing up I was a bit mean to my little sister as all big sisters are. At times when she would be taking out her frustrations with the business out on me I would justify it by saying it's 'payback'. But is that right? Is that worth it?
Our relationship has gotten so strained over the last year that I finally told her I could not take her hurtful words any longer. Had she NOT been my sister I would have quit a very long time ago.

So anyway - after it's all said and done I will be moving on and starting my own business. I will miss working at the boutique. I really did enjoy it at times but the stress on me and my relationship with my sister was just not worth it. To be honest the last three years have not been the best of my life. Going through infertility and working on a daily basis with pregnant women was just plain crazy and really did a number on my mental state. I'm surprised I survived because there were days when I either wanted to drive off the road on the way home or literally punch one of my customers in the stomach. I know that sounds awful but that is really how low my state of mind would get and somehow I pulled through and came out on the other side adopting a baby and a MUCH stronger and wiser person than I was when I first opened this store. Even though my faith in God is very rocky after all of this, I can say that He does work in mysterious ways and one day I will understand the meaning of this phase of my life.

I wish everyone a Happy New Year and hope that whatever your goals are or whatever you've been through in the past, that 2006 is a year filled with happiness and love.
That is something everyone deserves.

New Name + New Attitude + A traffic vent = My Monday Blog Entry

Today is my first post as a non-defective woman. I always hated that name I chose for my blog but at the time that is exactly how I felt. But now I too am expecting a baby, I just don't have a bump to prove it. Hence the "Not Showing" name for my blog. It is also the name of my new business but I still can't really talk about that because I'm in the process of setting it up. I'm almost finished though and will let you know what it is all about in Jan 2006!

So onto another issue that is completely off topic but I just have to vent a little about it. Driving into work this morning I came upon some highway construction (not uncommon here in RI) and the two-lane road was merging into one lane. So I'm in the right lane and it's the left lane that will be closed up ahead. What pisses me off to no end is the impatient people (and you know who you are) that speed up the left lane to the point where it closes and then expect all the patient people in the right lane to let you in. And so everyone else seems to follow suit and this is what causes traffic back-up. It really annoys me and so ends my little vent. I feel better now! :)

Name Change

I want to let everyone know that starting Monday my new blog name will be Not Showing. I no longer feel defective and want to stop referring to myself that way. The new name represents the fact that I'm expecting a baby but don't have a belly for all the world to see.

It also is the name of my new company!
More on that venture at the first of the new year. Stay tuned!


If any of you have me listed on your blogs please make the change. Thanks!
www.notshowing.blogspot.com

From a friend

On the heels of my Pottery Barn experience and the shit we are dealing with from Homeland Security (see below posts) I get this wonderful email from a friend. This friend I have known for a long time but she's a friend that I don't talk to that often. So when I got this from her I was really moved that she thought of me. It was as if she knew that J and I needed to read this right now.
I hope all of you in the process of adoption (like myself) or who have just brought their baby home (like Julie) or who have become adoptive moms long ago or know someone who is/has adopted - that you read this and get the same sense of emotion as I did. It's very powerful and in my case makes me know this little snag we are going through is all worth it in the long run.

--------------------------

Hey Wendy, I read this and thought of you! Hope your quest is going well and you have a little one in your home and arms soon!
Hope you have a Healthy Christmas and happy New Year! I'll stop by the store soon.


AMAZING LOVE

Before I was an adoptive mom, I thought that if you didn't have a natural child you weren't really a mother
Before I was an adoptive mom I never thought that I could protect someone as fiercely as a grizzly bear
I never thought that I would become so protective of something that once belonged to someone else (if only for 9 months)
I never thought that I would bond with a child in such a natural way
I never thought that I wouldn't mind sticky hand prints on the wall, or
on the back of the arm of my shirt

Before I was an adoptive mom,
I never thought that my actions and lifestyle would be under such scrutiny
I never thought that I would be capable of so much love
I never thought that my heart could break at the thought of my child's pain,
whether physical or emotional

Before I was an adoptive mom, I thought all woman who gave up their child were selfish
I never thought of if as a gift of life to the child, or
A gift of life to me and my family

Before I was an adoptive mom,
I thought that child would always think about his biological family
I thought that I would always see the imprint of another on this child
I thought that I would always be just the "adoptive" person, never the "real" mother.

Now I am an adoptive mom, and I now I see how much I've changed.


~Ruth Rainone

Behind every adoptive mom is child waiting to be loved.

Webster says this about adoption; “to choose, to take legally into one’s family and raise as one’s own, to take as your own. To choose or accept.”

Adoption is the greatest Gift...we are ADOPTED INTO THE FAMILY OF GOD.
Rom 8:14-17
14 For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God.
15 For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father.
16 The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God:
17 And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together.
(KJV)


Pass this on to just 1 friend. See how many of your friends have adopted or know someone who has.

On a happier note....

I would like to wish congratulations to Julie and her husband Marc on the homecoming of their son Dylan. They were in Guatemala all last week to bring Dylan home just in time for Hanukkah.
Julie - we all can't wait to see more pictures and to hear all about your trip!
Congratulations!!

Simon says take two steps back

Picture this if you will...
Every day for the past few weeks I've been anticipating our letter of approval from Immigration to arrive in the mailbox. When that letter arrives it means we will officially be waiting to be matched with a baby. I was so hoping that letter would come before Christmas. Imagine my joy when I went to the mailbox on Thursday and there it was! A letter from The Department of Homeland Security! I did a little dance of joy on my front steps with my dog (wonder what the neighbors thought - ha ha)Immigration has approved us! Yippeee!!!

I rip open the envelope and begin to read. Suddenly I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach and the wind had been knocked right out of me! It said that because we did not report in our homestudy the two arrests my husband has had we were not approved! WHAAAAATTTT THE FUUUUCKKKK!!!! My mind went racing. Had J been dishonest with me? NO! I immediately knew he would never hide anything from me. And I will go to my grave saying that (no matter what the fuck the people at the agency say to me!)
But what were these arrests???
Well here is what the government thinks and here is what really happened -

#1. J was 17,in high school and cruising around one Friday night with his buddies as all high school kids do. He was pulled over for speeding and the dumb fuck friend of his in the back seat threw a can of beer out the window. The cop saw this and had J follow him to the police station (small town so everyone knew everyone else - this included cops) They called the parents and J's dad showed up and a lecture was given. That was it! No arrest was made but apparently a report was filed and according to the gov. this means an arrest. (That, I don't understand)

#2 J was 29 (this was just two summers ago)and pulled over because a cop ran his plates while sitting at a red light and discovered that J was driving on a suspended license. Apparently in RI after three speeding tickets you lose your license for a while. A letter was sent to J to inform him of this but it was sent to our old apt. address and never forwarded (the time ran out at that point to forward) and we guess it got returned to sender but the dumbasses of RI never made the time to find J and let him know he had lost his license. They let him continue to drive around illegally. So he was caught by the police and they impounded his car and a co-worker came and picked him up from the side of the road and brought him home. Again, NEVER arrested.

My definition of arrest is (and please correct me if I'm wrong) when a police officer handcuffs you, reads you your rights, takes you to the police station in the police car, fingerprints you and holds you until bail can be made. Is this right?

Anyway - we are working to get this all straightened out right now, but what a mess!!!! I'm very upset because this puts us back about a month or two until we can even begin to wait for a match. I'm also upset because when I called our agency (only a husband and wife team run it) the husband seemed to insinuate that indeed John had been arrested and that we were lying!!!!! I told him I did not appreciate him insinuating that to me. I thought he was on OUR side! And also the fact that we did mention the suspended license thing upon the first meeting with them back in August and they sat there and told us we did not need to include traffic violations in our home study!
It's very upsetting to have an agency act this way towards a client. We will be meeting with them this week and believe you me they will get another ear full of how unhappy I am with they way HE spoke to me and that 1/2 of this is their fault!

On top of that I had the most boring weekend because I caught a cold and feel like ass. I'm still so sad about this whole situation so everything just SUCKS right now.
J tried to get me to start decorating for Christmas last night but I just was not in the mood. We did put up our little New England Village set but that still did not make me feel better. Tonight is J's company holiday party but I'm not going because I feel so icky.

What gets me is that I think about all the people out there with 'police records' having babies and not having the damn government breathing down their necks about every little thing they ever did in their lives. This frustrates me to no end and usually I'm good about it and understanding that this is what we have to do to adopt. But when something like this pops up and slows down our process I get angry and claim unfairness.

I also think that if J had just slowed his ASS down none of this would be happening!

I was not expecting this comment!

I'm in shock! Someone actually made adoption seem shameful!

Here's the story -
I had registered on Pottery Barn Kids recently (I know it's so soon but I could not help myself. I've been waiting three years!) Anyway - I then got a letter and catalog in the mail saying welcome to their wedding registry. The dum-dums screwed up at Pottery Barn. So I went into the store here in providence because I wanted to correct the mistake. I spoke with the woman behind the counter and explained the mishap. She looked us up in the computer and said we were in there and verified our address, etc. Yep, the registry was all set with Pottery Barn Kids. Then she asks a question under her breath - "Is this for adoption?" Actually she whispered the word adoption. Just like that scene in St. Elmos Fire when Wendy takes Billy home for dinner and warns him that her mother whispers words she finds unsuitable. Then the mother goes on to say during dinner "Did you hear about Mrs. Smith? Cancer."
I thought I misunderstood her so I said pardon me. And she did it again. She actually looked around and kind of put her head down. All secret like. WTF?! I was so shocked that all I said back (in my best outside voice) "Yes this is for an adoption!" Then I walked away still in complete shock.
It's been four months since we made the announcement that we were going to adopt our baby and we have had nothing but happy smiles and congratulatory comments. NEVER in a million years did I ever expect to be made to feel like it was shameful. Yes, I expected the silly comments about getting pregnant now that we are adopting and all of that but never shamefulness.
I'm not good at thinking on my feet so I did not have a snappy comment to throw back at this idiot of a sales girl who was by the way younger than me! I still can't really think of anything because it still has me in a state of shock.
What would you say? Have any of you had experience like this? If so what did you do?
Funny what kind of people make up this world.